As published in the Paisley Advocate, April 2006
Last month’s Advocate introduced many of our readers to the little understood Saugeen River Monster, commonly referred to as “Saugie”.
Some people thought it was interesting, some thought it was an April Fools joke. Many said, “That’s just a log floating in the river.”
I can honestly assure you that was not a photograph of a log in the river. And that’s all I’ll say. End of story. Or so I thought.
Several days after the last issue of the Advocate came out, a local resident (who will remain nameless) showed me a shaky video of a mysterious skeleton had been found on the banks of a nearby tributary of the Saugeen. The property’s owner had discovered the remains after the spring floodwaters dropped and had dragged it to higher ground, then placed it on a tree stump.
The next day I pulled on my Tilley hat and my rubber boots and grabbed my trusty dog and off I went. After almost an hour in the wet cold muddy bush we found it, just as described: as skeleton consisting of a skull, a long neck, a backbone and a ribcage.
Who’s unfortunate remains are these? I’ve heard suggestions of a goat, deer, llama, even a giraffe. Some of these may be valid possibilities, but before you decide, take a look at the “artist’s reconstruction” below and see what you think.
They say the most compelling evidence against the existence of Bigfoot is the fact that skeletal remains have ever been found. Well, Saugie, may just have that one beat!
People of the World:
Please do not capture Saugie. Do not disturb her. She might have babies and she could be dangerous. If you are a scuba diver do not come to Paisley. Just take pictures. We want her to be happy here. Talk to the Mayor about a Saugie festival and a parade.
I like your ideas, both the hands-off approach to nature and the Saugie festival. Maybe we should adopt Saugie as a village mascot, it’s certainly no more far-fetched than a white ground hog who can predict the coming of spring. (And Luke, the skeleton pictured elsewhere in this paper died a long time ago and is certainly not the creature pictured in our last issue.)